i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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