based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
