How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Text me some of your sweat
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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