I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
