you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
