Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
