Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
