I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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