tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
