ugly people sure do ruin things
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
