i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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