I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
