Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There r osticjed everywhere
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
