I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
