the condom got lost in my hair
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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