I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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