I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
