good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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