I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
