I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
