I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
