Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
