you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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