Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
