my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
