HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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