Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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