if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
