omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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