just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
