I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Mom said you looked used
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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