i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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