Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
