Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
