and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
