The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
