Im at strip club and am horny
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you had me at cake vodka
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
