I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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