Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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