saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
