My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
