My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
