so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
