She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
