We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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