Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
