It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The beer is more important than you right now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
