Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
