Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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