He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
