On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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