I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She needs sedatives and a leash
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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