my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
