I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize