we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
