Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
