In the future we'll all be gay
he puts the penis in happiness.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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