I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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