it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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