I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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