I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
