well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
