all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
