Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
